25w 4d!!
I'm so excited we are fast approaching 26weeks!! It's also crazy to think that at 19w we got the news of the shortening cervix w/Funnel and then at 24w that things got a lot worse with my length & funnel size... but here we are. Still chugging along! We're getting into a really good place for the babies health. As much as SBR sucks, its helping. I've had my doubts of course and my body is definitely changing, but I'll do what I need to keep these babies cooking!
We had a great week last week. Despite my mom being outta town for Vacation (I had to assure her she should go- we'd be fine!). A lot of our friends and family came by, brought dinner and some people even took Beebs out of the house for something else to do. I really need to find a way to thank my Swiss. She has become quite the mother to Beebs & me. A huge part of me feels guilty that her summer break fresh off her Freshman year of College has been taking care of Beebs (1st) & then me. Most girls her age are going swimming everyday, shopping, working summer jobs & having lots of money and hanging out with their friends. Not to mention parties every night. She's declined a couple parties bc she "had to get up early" the next day to help me. You have no idea how much that means to me! I've had to encourage her to leave the house a few times, especially when someone else is here. Then just like a mom she says "well you need to text me when you get in the shower and when you get out and when you go take a nap". Hahah! Yes mom! I take 5 types of medicine a day, which equates to 9 pills and 2 injections through out the day. When my alarm goes off on my phone, she knows exactly what pill to give me. If I'm asleep she brings the medicine over to me so I can take it and go right back to my dreams. I love her beyond words and this just shows the selfless person she is. <3
Hubs is going to the store today... We haven't been able to find the Schick Quatro Bikini Trimmer I use in any stores. Let me tell you... I NEED THAT! I can't even see my Hotbox nor can my Hubs & I even have ANY type of relations down there, but I still need to keep my act together! I tried shaving with a razor... I thought, I've been shaving this little valley for a lot of my life, I should have it down pact. Not so much. When I looked in the mirror- after I "lifted" up my belly a little it was clear that I had a bad case of shaky hand syndrome. I looked like I tried to etch the 80's hairstyle "steps" into my vag. Turrible (In my Charles Barkley voice). Not to mention I completely forgot to shave one side of my bikini area. Who does that? Plus the length was still long and I just looked pathetic... fingers crossed he finds that damn Electric Razor today!
Speaking of Hubs... It's been almost 7w since all this came about. I've been on strict pelvic rest since then. I know some of you probably wonder why its even a thought on my mind, but its actually ALL I think about! Of course relationships aren't all about getting it on, but it's a healthy part of every great relationship. I truly believe in keeping the flame alive! Trying to find ways to stay connected in that arena without being intimate is really hard... so we try to make up for it in other little ways. Sending cute emails/texts back and forth, just because... and not just "pick up toilet paper after work". Messages like... "remember when we first started dating and I came to visit you in Branson.." blah blah blah.. you get the point. Even though I'm the one going through the "physical" stress of this, he's still a partner of my stress on top of any emotional stress he's carrying with this. It's not just all about the wives... the husbands have a lot on their plates too. He now has the burden to do extra well at his job with an immobile wife and 20month old at home and two more on the way. That's a lot to take on considering just a year ago there were only 3 of us to worry about... we were both working GREAT jobs, not a care in the world and now things have changed drastically. Of course we're in a great situation being at my mom's so we have to count the blessings more than the short comings. Everything always works itself out... I can just imagine how such a prideful man like my Husband, is probably stressing a little, although he would never show it or burden me with it.
Last week the doc told me I could sit outside a couple times a week... it was only nice one day last week, so I haven't cashed that check in yet. It's almost like getting a Starbucks gift card and you know there is $10 left on it... you wonder, should I use it today, I would really like coffee, but I don't NEED the coffee... maybe I should save it. So today its nice out... and I think after my nap I might cash one in! I feel like its a treat I deserve.
Yesterday was the first real day I missed an event. It was a Birthday Party for a good friend's 1 year old son. It was an hour away so there was no way I could go. Hubs & Beebs went and were gone for the day. He sent me pics off and on for the duration of the party. It made me so sad to be missing such a big celebration- but then I have to check myself and remind myself this is only temporary. It's just hard to accept even though you know its what's needed.
Looking forward to my 26w appt on Weds!!! xo
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
25weeks!
25w!!
Feeling happy today :) My Appointment was another late one at 11am. There were a lot of Emergencies in L&D so one U/S Tech got pulled away so that only left two for the day. When we got there, there were 3 ladies ahead of us. Out of the 4 of us expecting mom's two were a tad odd. Talking about baby things that didn't make sense. That they were mad they were waiting this long "just to look at the babies spine again" or that "my baby's daddy was a twin and if I was having twins then I would shoot myself". I can understand some people say these things half joking, but these women were pretty serious. Either that or they've mastered the poker face. I've never once taken for granted a Doctor's appointment, especially if something could be wrong with you or your child(ren). Sure we all hate waiting and I can think of one time in particular when I was pregnant with Ava I had to wait awhile and complained on Social Media... then not too soon after that I was the one that caused the Doc's to be held up bc of Complications. So now, no complaining. Chances are, the doctors aren't rubbing each other's feet with the blood pressure cuff so cut them some slack. Besides most people are late to their own appointments!
I got "V" again this week! That's 4 times now. By the time we got called back it was 12:30pm. She must not of had lunch yet because right before we started another tech came in to relieve her and she told her it was ok... she wanted to scan me and would go after. :) That really made me happy. We've got a bond going on and she always remembers my info.
The Babies are still rocking out! BA has decided she doesn't want to be Head down anymore for the first time in 6weeks and she was Breech- butt down. This actually made me scared. She's stubborn already. Why o Why, would she decide to flip around when there is a chance I can go into Labor? I see what type of child she'll be already ;)
Her heartbeat was 161bpm, she was moving so much that you could see her move on the screen and I could feel her at the same time. Such an amazing experience! BB was also breech this week. She flips around the most, so I'm not surprised, but it seem like the tweebs are sticking together like Sissies should! Her heartbeat was 148bpm, she was moving but not as much as her sister. Once again we couldn't get face shots :( There just isn't much room so its hard to get a good angle. We almost got a face shot of BB, but it was kind of creepy lol... You could see her eyeball and she was staring at us and we were like... "ummmm, maybe next week" hahah! Also BB's diaphragm was moving... YES! That means she was practicing breathing!! That's great news :)
The Fluid Levels, Heatbeats, Stomachs, & Bladders all looked great!
After the belly u/s, she did the trans vaginal. It's hard for me to see the screen when she does that u/s because she moves lower, but I put my arm up by my head to prop myself up. I could see I was still in the 1's with a large funnel and a baby butt in the background. She said she got 1.8cm first and then 1.9cm twice after that. So we're sticking with 1.9cm which is what we got last week. She paged Dr. K and he came in. He agreed with her Cervical Measurements. He wanted to scan the babies hearts himself. I wish I would have wrote down what he was looking for bc now I can't remember what it was called. Something about a heart valve can close with this medicine and you don't want that to happen until birth. They also look for some sort of "regurgitating" in the heart? Good news is that NEITHER of those were happening which is another bonus! This is the main side effect of Indomethican.
After the u/s Hubs wheeled me up to my appt. Carol is on vacay so another RN met with us, her name was Julie. She was really sweet too. I weighed in at 199 again!!! We were laughing so hard because she had it on 200lbs and it was slightly too light so I told her to please put it on the 150 and move the smaller arm and so she did... and she wrote down 199lbs in my chart! SCORE!!!!!!!!!!!! After doing the usual vitals- Perfect Blood Pressure, Oxygen Levels, also got 79 on last week's Glucose Test!!! She asked if she was missing anything that Carol does... I told her she usually rubs my feet until the doctor came in. She gave out a little snort and so did Marc. I think she enjoyed us!
Dr. G came in and was happy we didn't have a negative change. He said he was really worried about me last week, but was happy I was "looking stable". I have to stay on Strict Bed Rest. I told him I was getting headaches everyday and he said that is probably from the inactivity, so I can lift 1-2lb weights while sitting to get my blood pumping. You have NO idea how happy that made me feel! If I'm going stir crazy I'm also allowed to get in the car with Hubs to get some Starbucks or Ice Cream, but only 1 time a week. I think I'll make that a weekly date night for us! He also said I can sit outside in the sun a few times a week, but have to be laying and relaxed. I showed him my Heparin injections and he was impressed by the minimal bruising! We wrapped up the appointment with him telling me that at 28w they will stop the Indomethican and start me on Procordial (?!?!). This will require a hospital stay. They both do the same thing (relax the Uterus and help keep contractions at bay), but they are different drugs. The worry would be that since I've been on the Indo for 5w that my body could go into Labor once switched so they will want to keep me for monitoring.
Hubs & I grabbed a late lunch from Tim's Tavern (seafood!) and headed home. Today was a good day!
Feeling happy today :) My Appointment was another late one at 11am. There were a lot of Emergencies in L&D so one U/S Tech got pulled away so that only left two for the day. When we got there, there were 3 ladies ahead of us. Out of the 4 of us expecting mom's two were a tad odd. Talking about baby things that didn't make sense. That they were mad they were waiting this long "just to look at the babies spine again" or that "my baby's daddy was a twin and if I was having twins then I would shoot myself". I can understand some people say these things half joking, but these women were pretty serious. Either that or they've mastered the poker face. I've never once taken for granted a Doctor's appointment, especially if something could be wrong with you or your child(ren). Sure we all hate waiting and I can think of one time in particular when I was pregnant with Ava I had to wait awhile and complained on Social Media... then not too soon after that I was the one that caused the Doc's to be held up bc of Complications. So now, no complaining. Chances are, the doctors aren't rubbing each other's feet with the blood pressure cuff so cut them some slack. Besides most people are late to their own appointments!
I got "V" again this week! That's 4 times now. By the time we got called back it was 12:30pm. She must not of had lunch yet because right before we started another tech came in to relieve her and she told her it was ok... she wanted to scan me and would go after. :) That really made me happy. We've got a bond going on and she always remembers my info.
The Babies are still rocking out! BA has decided she doesn't want to be Head down anymore for the first time in 6weeks and she was Breech- butt down. This actually made me scared. She's stubborn already. Why o Why, would she decide to flip around when there is a chance I can go into Labor? I see what type of child she'll be already ;)
Her heartbeat was 161bpm, she was moving so much that you could see her move on the screen and I could feel her at the same time. Such an amazing experience! BB was also breech this week. She flips around the most, so I'm not surprised, but it seem like the tweebs are sticking together like Sissies should! Her heartbeat was 148bpm, she was moving but not as much as her sister. Once again we couldn't get face shots :( There just isn't much room so its hard to get a good angle. We almost got a face shot of BB, but it was kind of creepy lol... You could see her eyeball and she was staring at us and we were like... "ummmm, maybe next week" hahah! Also BB's diaphragm was moving... YES! That means she was practicing breathing!! That's great news :)
The Fluid Levels, Heatbeats, Stomachs, & Bladders all looked great!
After the belly u/s, she did the trans vaginal. It's hard for me to see the screen when she does that u/s because she moves lower, but I put my arm up by my head to prop myself up. I could see I was still in the 1's with a large funnel and a baby butt in the background. She said she got 1.8cm first and then 1.9cm twice after that. So we're sticking with 1.9cm which is what we got last week. She paged Dr. K and he came in. He agreed with her Cervical Measurements. He wanted to scan the babies hearts himself. I wish I would have wrote down what he was looking for bc now I can't remember what it was called. Something about a heart valve can close with this medicine and you don't want that to happen until birth. They also look for some sort of "regurgitating" in the heart? Good news is that NEITHER of those were happening which is another bonus! This is the main side effect of Indomethican.
After the u/s Hubs wheeled me up to my appt. Carol is on vacay so another RN met with us, her name was Julie. She was really sweet too. I weighed in at 199 again!!! We were laughing so hard because she had it on 200lbs and it was slightly too light so I told her to please put it on the 150 and move the smaller arm and so she did... and she wrote down 199lbs in my chart! SCORE!!!!!!!!!!!! After doing the usual vitals- Perfect Blood Pressure, Oxygen Levels, also got 79 on last week's Glucose Test!!! She asked if she was missing anything that Carol does... I told her she usually rubs my feet until the doctor came in. She gave out a little snort and so did Marc. I think she enjoyed us!
Dr. G came in and was happy we didn't have a negative change. He said he was really worried about me last week, but was happy I was "looking stable". I have to stay on Strict Bed Rest. I told him I was getting headaches everyday and he said that is probably from the inactivity, so I can lift 1-2lb weights while sitting to get my blood pumping. You have NO idea how happy that made me feel! If I'm going stir crazy I'm also allowed to get in the car with Hubs to get some Starbucks or Ice Cream, but only 1 time a week. I think I'll make that a weekly date night for us! He also said I can sit outside in the sun a few times a week, but have to be laying and relaxed. I showed him my Heparin injections and he was impressed by the minimal bruising! We wrapped up the appointment with him telling me that at 28w they will stop the Indomethican and start me on Procordial (?!?!). This will require a hospital stay. They both do the same thing (relax the Uterus and help keep contractions at bay), but they are different drugs. The worry would be that since I've been on the Indo for 5w that my body could go into Labor once switched so they will want to keep me for monitoring.
Hubs & I grabbed a late lunch from Tim's Tavern (seafood!) and headed home. Today was a good day!
Connect the dots... Heparin Injections
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
The Power of the Shower
24w 6d!!!
Almost a week on Bed Rest and I am happy to report that I have not yet lost my mind or went postal on my Family/Friends. I have a lot more time to "think" about things... not just the babies, but life in general. Situations like this really put things into perspective. You realize who your truest friends are and the family that you can count on the most for support. Its amazing to know we have such great people in our lives that are willing to put their things on hold to help us out... whether it's for a morning shift or an overnight stay somewhere for Ava.
I've had a few rough days. I'm starting to think that although Doctor's Orders are bed rest and only up to pee/shower could end up hurting more... I feel my body already getting weak from the lack of additional inactivity. I wasn't the person who got up every morning and ran, but we sure do stay active. The times I do get up to Pee or walk downstairs are hard on my body. I feel so heavy and I feel like my muscle mass is dwindling down. A part of me wonders how can I keep these babies in when I can barely carry around my own weight?! Which... last week I weighed in at 199.9lbs. I was ecstatic! I've been getting close to the 200 mark but haven't touched it yet... although my excitement was shot down when Carol told me she had to round it up on my chart to 200. Ugh. With Beebs I was 209lbs when I delivered her. I gained 55lbs with her. Although I was little heavier to start this pregnancy, I've been pleased with the gain. Especially since I'm not the best eater. All I want are JUICY cheeseburgers, with cheddar cheese, crispy bacon, crunchy lettuce, bbq sauce, and perfectly seasoned French fries. Since being at home, I have been eating healthier. Hubs has been grocery shopping every couple days so if all you have are "healthier" options, then that's what you eat! I've also noticed I'm pooping a little more consistently and not as violently thank goodness!
My typical day: Lay in bed until my "medicine" alarm goes off at 10am. Get out of bed, sloooooooooowly, pee, take the Indomethican & a Prenatal and give myself a Heparin Injection in my stomach. They are surprisingly not that bad. I was shaking so bad on my first time that I didn't think I could do it. I found out quickly that the needle has to be at a 95* angle in order to go in easy without force. Or else I have to poke myself again bc I don't want to jab it in there. I have little "blood dots" all over my belly. I feel really proud of myself when no blood or medicine comes out of the injection site when I take the needle out. When that occurs, I know I WON'T have a blood spot! I'm trying to perfect the Heparin Shuffle over here. I hear lots of people end up with horrible bruising and after almost a week, I have one semi-noticeable bruise and just some other off color areas... I'd like to pat myself on the back considering I have given myself 13 shots in the last 6 days. I'm ready for the hard drugs!!! (just kidding Mom)
After the meds I hop in the shower... thank god I still have this luxury. It's amazing what hot water does to the Soul. I'm only going to wash my hair 1-2 times week. Thank goodness for dry curly hair! I only shave once a week (Tuesdays), so the other times I just sit on the built in stool in my Mom's shower and soak it all up. After that I put on one of 3 outfits (tank top and yoga capris) and head downstairs to eat. Hubs has been making me breakfast. I plop down on the leather recliner, feet/legs propped by pillows and lay back. I only sit up to eat and read Ava a book. Once I'm downstairs, I'm down there until bed time... but I will occasionally go back upstairs to nap if Beebs is awake. There is no way I would be able to sleep with her downstairs playing. I've been drinking more water than I can count... I have this oversized cup with a lid, that looks just like a "hospital cup" with a pink straw sticking out. I'm not sure how many ounces it holds, but I fill it up at least a dozen times a day. Which in turn makes me have to drag my big pregnant ass to the toilet to pee about 2 dozen times.
Hubs went back to work at the office yesterday & today. We've got Ava covered with friends & family so he's able to get back into the swing of things. He has been absolutely amazing since all this happened. Of course any Husband will step, but I feel like he has gone above & beyond for me. Last night before bed he thought I was standing too much while changing so he made me lay down and got everything ready for me. I truly am lucky. He's been tested a lot these past years with "In sickness & in health". I had some pretty serious complications after Ava and he never bat an eye and did everything he could to help get me on the road to recovery. He is always so optimistic and faithful and I really think that helps me through my rough patches. There are times when I start crying, or get upset and he has nothing but encouraging words. I'm sure he's scared and possibly worried, but he'd never let me know. He takes the burden for us both. <3
Speaking of amazing, Swiss just brought me back some Breakfast take out. It was absolutely delish! She also has been great since being home on Summer Break from Capital University. She adores Ava and the two of them have so much fun together. Brooke is great with her & I know she'll make a great mother some day (some day as in really far far far far away someday- plus with all my pregnancy "issues" she may be too scared hahah!) She has literally supported me through the poopy times and great times.
Beebs is outside playing with Tina (Jesley's sister), Hubs is at work and Swiss & Spencer went to run errands. I'm upstairs on my bed typing this and for once I feel ok being alone. Lately when people leave the room or leave the house (just to go outside) I start immediately feeling sad & emotional. It's almost like a feeling of abandonment, which is dumb bc no one is abandoning me. I just need to get a grasp on everything and get a routine together. Everyone has lives and although mostly everyone has put theirs on hold to help us, I still can't help but feel selfish a lot of the time. When I see Ava outside the window running and playing I feel like she should be doing that with Me. Hubs went to a movie late Saturday with his friend and a part of me felt jealous the minute he left.... but why!??! He deserved a break... he is so exhausted from working all day, taking care of Ava and a wife who can't get herself her own apple. I hope these feelings are normal, bc this is NOT like me whatsoever. I'm assuming as long as there aren't any negative changes at tomorrow's appointment, I'll probably have to stay on Strict Bed Rest (SBR) until at least 32weeks... this is my guess. My doctors won't look that far ahead, but that's what I'm going with.
I know I can make it... I know this will get easier and this is what's best for the babies. Rewind to this time last year... Hubs, Beebs & I were in Puerto Rico on our first family vacation. It was an AMAZING trip. It's crazy how much life changes in a year. We celebrated Ava's first birthday, got pregnant, sold our house and moved to Ohio. Who would have thought? I know a year from now, I will look back on this time and have two more healthy, beautiful daughters added to our family and I will laugh at how crazy I was! This is all temporary and what's needed.
xoxo
Hubs, Beebs & I: Puerto Rico June 2012
Almost a week on Bed Rest and I am happy to report that I have not yet lost my mind or went postal on my Family/Friends. I have a lot more time to "think" about things... not just the babies, but life in general. Situations like this really put things into perspective. You realize who your truest friends are and the family that you can count on the most for support. Its amazing to know we have such great people in our lives that are willing to put their things on hold to help us out... whether it's for a morning shift or an overnight stay somewhere for Ava.
I've had a few rough days. I'm starting to think that although Doctor's Orders are bed rest and only up to pee/shower could end up hurting more... I feel my body already getting weak from the lack of additional inactivity. I wasn't the person who got up every morning and ran, but we sure do stay active. The times I do get up to Pee or walk downstairs are hard on my body. I feel so heavy and I feel like my muscle mass is dwindling down. A part of me wonders how can I keep these babies in when I can barely carry around my own weight?! Which... last week I weighed in at 199.9lbs. I was ecstatic! I've been getting close to the 200 mark but haven't touched it yet... although my excitement was shot down when Carol told me she had to round it up on my chart to 200. Ugh. With Beebs I was 209lbs when I delivered her. I gained 55lbs with her. Although I was little heavier to start this pregnancy, I've been pleased with the gain. Especially since I'm not the best eater. All I want are JUICY cheeseburgers, with cheddar cheese, crispy bacon, crunchy lettuce, bbq sauce, and perfectly seasoned French fries. Since being at home, I have been eating healthier. Hubs has been grocery shopping every couple days so if all you have are "healthier" options, then that's what you eat! I've also noticed I'm pooping a little more consistently and not as violently thank goodness!
My typical day: Lay in bed until my "medicine" alarm goes off at 10am. Get out of bed, sloooooooooowly, pee, take the Indomethican & a Prenatal and give myself a Heparin Injection in my stomach. They are surprisingly not that bad. I was shaking so bad on my first time that I didn't think I could do it. I found out quickly that the needle has to be at a 95* angle in order to go in easy without force. Or else I have to poke myself again bc I don't want to jab it in there. I have little "blood dots" all over my belly. I feel really proud of myself when no blood or medicine comes out of the injection site when I take the needle out. When that occurs, I know I WON'T have a blood spot! I'm trying to perfect the Heparin Shuffle over here. I hear lots of people end up with horrible bruising and after almost a week, I have one semi-noticeable bruise and just some other off color areas... I'd like to pat myself on the back considering I have given myself 13 shots in the last 6 days. I'm ready for the hard drugs!!! (just kidding Mom)
After the meds I hop in the shower... thank god I still have this luxury. It's amazing what hot water does to the Soul. I'm only going to wash my hair 1-2 times week. Thank goodness for dry curly hair! I only shave once a week (Tuesdays), so the other times I just sit on the built in stool in my Mom's shower and soak it all up. After that I put on one of 3 outfits (tank top and yoga capris) and head downstairs to eat. Hubs has been making me breakfast. I plop down on the leather recliner, feet/legs propped by pillows and lay back. I only sit up to eat and read Ava a book. Once I'm downstairs, I'm down there until bed time... but I will occasionally go back upstairs to nap if Beebs is awake. There is no way I would be able to sleep with her downstairs playing. I've been drinking more water than I can count... I have this oversized cup with a lid, that looks just like a "hospital cup" with a pink straw sticking out. I'm not sure how many ounces it holds, but I fill it up at least a dozen times a day. Which in turn makes me have to drag my big pregnant ass to the toilet to pee about 2 dozen times.
Hubs went back to work at the office yesterday & today. We've got Ava covered with friends & family so he's able to get back into the swing of things. He has been absolutely amazing since all this happened. Of course any Husband will step, but I feel like he has gone above & beyond for me. Last night before bed he thought I was standing too much while changing so he made me lay down and got everything ready for me. I truly am lucky. He's been tested a lot these past years with "In sickness & in health". I had some pretty serious complications after Ava and he never bat an eye and did everything he could to help get me on the road to recovery. He is always so optimistic and faithful and I really think that helps me through my rough patches. There are times when I start crying, or get upset and he has nothing but encouraging words. I'm sure he's scared and possibly worried, but he'd never let me know. He takes the burden for us both. <3
Speaking of amazing, Swiss just brought me back some Breakfast take out. It was absolutely delish! She also has been great since being home on Summer Break from Capital University. She adores Ava and the two of them have so much fun together. Brooke is great with her & I know she'll make a great mother some day (some day as in really far far far far away someday- plus with all my pregnancy "issues" she may be too scared hahah!) She has literally supported me through the poopy times and great times.
Beebs is outside playing with Tina (Jesley's sister), Hubs is at work and Swiss & Spencer went to run errands. I'm upstairs on my bed typing this and for once I feel ok being alone. Lately when people leave the room or leave the house (just to go outside) I start immediately feeling sad & emotional. It's almost like a feeling of abandonment, which is dumb bc no one is abandoning me. I just need to get a grasp on everything and get a routine together. Everyone has lives and although mostly everyone has put theirs on hold to help us, I still can't help but feel selfish a lot of the time. When I see Ava outside the window running and playing I feel like she should be doing that with Me. Hubs went to a movie late Saturday with his friend and a part of me felt jealous the minute he left.... but why!??! He deserved a break... he is so exhausted from working all day, taking care of Ava and a wife who can't get herself her own apple. I hope these feelings are normal, bc this is NOT like me whatsoever. I'm assuming as long as there aren't any negative changes at tomorrow's appointment, I'll probably have to stay on Strict Bed Rest (SBR) until at least 32weeks... this is my guess. My doctors won't look that far ahead, but that's what I'm going with.
I know I can make it... I know this will get easier and this is what's best for the babies. Rewind to this time last year... Hubs, Beebs & I were in Puerto Rico on our first family vacation. It was an AMAZING trip. It's crazy how much life changes in a year. We celebrated Ava's first birthday, got pregnant, sold our house and moved to Ohio. Who would have thought? I know a year from now, I will look back on this time and have two more healthy, beautiful daughters added to our family and I will laugh at how crazy I was! This is all temporary and what's needed.
xoxo
Friday, June 21, 2013
My favorite time of year...Summer!
24w 2d
I love the changing of the seasons... especially when its SUMMER! Summer is just so much fun. Everyone is out and about, visiting, making plans, cooking out, swimming. It's just a great time of year. Ironically, I'm inside looking out at the sun beaming against the windows. It's already making me feel stir crazy. I know this is only temporary, but I can't help but feel bad for myself today.
I did forget to mention that I weighed in Weds at 199.9lbs. I was so excited to hang on to the "100's" until Carol the RN, said... well I had to round it up lol! When I delivered Ava I believe I was at 209lbs. I was about 10lbs heavier to start this pregnancy than with Ava, and so far my weight gain has been pretty good. I feel good about that considering I'm not the healthiest eater and my idea of a well rounded meal is a Juicy Cheeseburger with Cheddar, Crispy Bacon, Lettuce, BBQ Sauce, Crunchy Fries and Ice Cream for dessert. Now that I'm on SBR (Strict Bed Rest) no more going out to eat... so I'll have to get back into meal planning and have Hubs start cooking!
Yesterday's Celestone (Steroid-Lung Shot) hurt like a B*tch. I'm not sure if its normal for the 2nd dose to be painful or if it was an Operator Error. This nurse had me do the same as the other, but I swear she jammed that needle in my ass shoved all the medication in at once. I flinched twice and my butt was burning... I haven't looked at it today, but it feels bruised!
Mentally, I feel like I'm in a better place today. These are the cards we were dealt and so we have to play the hand as it comes. I can't stress or dwell or worry... although I still do, I've been able to keep it at bay. I just have to let God take control and follow his lead.
My mom & Step-Dad left for Myrtle Beach today. They've had this trip planned to see my Brother, SIL and my 2 nephews and niece for quite some time. She wanted to cancel the trip after Weds news, but I assured her we would be ok. I can't ask someone to NOT go on Vacation... she deserves the trip and to visit my Brother and his family. She gave me a Patron necklace to wear and her Rosary. I could tell it was so hard for her to leave, but I will be ok. These babies aren't coming THAT early. Hubs is working from home still and starting tonight, we'll have people visiting us to help him out and to keep me occupied. I actually started a "schedule" of helpers for next week. Swiss will be back from College Orientation (she's a leader) and Hubs will be working from home, so between them and our friends/family... it should be a fun week! Not to mention, a couple people are bringing DINNER! I should probably tell them that ice cream should be a part of it... :)
I need to find some new hobbies... everything I like to do requires being active and generally outside. Especially during this weather. I can't imagine just doing what I've been doing the past two days for the next 8+ weeks or so... Of course I will do what's necessary, but I already know I might go crazy (crazier). If you start getting lots of texts from me, FB updates, phone calls, etc... just bare with me!
I think we are finally closer to our Names!!!! I'll post once it's official. I think I was having a hard time dealing with all of this and I didn't want to really name the babies. I was afraid if we named them, then something would happen. They are our children... whether they are born healthy or not. We conceived them out of love & hope and they deserve to be treated as such! Every night before bed, I tell Beebs to say goodnight to her Sisters. She comes right over to me, lifts up my shirt and kisses my belly twice. She tells them night night and after a few more kisses and lifting my shirt she goes up to bed. At 19m, I feel like she kinda knows something is going on... I never thought at this age she could, but she takes it easy on me. She doesn't freak out if I can't pick her up and she has been really gentle around me lately. I swear she knows!
I may start posting everyday... or maybe every couple days... who knows. I love this blog. It's my outlet for sure. I know when friends/family text me, I play it off and don't get into many details, but that's just because I want to think positive. I put it all out on here. I want to have it out, but not continue to rehash my situation.
The Heparin shots are going well! The first dose I had to give myself was tough... I was shaking SO BAD, but since Weds night I'm a pro. So far no bruising, but you can see little "blood dots" where the needle insertion was. I didn't sleep well last night and woke up at 7:30am today. Blah. I know this will all take some getting used to and I need to establish some sort of routine to keep myself in check.... and someone needs to come paint my nails and I need Hubs to go get me some "Jergens Natural Glow" lotion so I don't lose my slight tan and feel like a Hermit!
Hope you're all enjoying your first day of Summer!!!!!!!
xoxo Until next time!
I love the changing of the seasons... especially when its SUMMER! Summer is just so much fun. Everyone is out and about, visiting, making plans, cooking out, swimming. It's just a great time of year. Ironically, I'm inside looking out at the sun beaming against the windows. It's already making me feel stir crazy. I know this is only temporary, but I can't help but feel bad for myself today.
I did forget to mention that I weighed in Weds at 199.9lbs. I was so excited to hang on to the "100's" until Carol the RN, said... well I had to round it up lol! When I delivered Ava I believe I was at 209lbs. I was about 10lbs heavier to start this pregnancy than with Ava, and so far my weight gain has been pretty good. I feel good about that considering I'm not the healthiest eater and my idea of a well rounded meal is a Juicy Cheeseburger with Cheddar, Crispy Bacon, Lettuce, BBQ Sauce, Crunchy Fries and Ice Cream for dessert. Now that I'm on SBR (Strict Bed Rest) no more going out to eat... so I'll have to get back into meal planning and have Hubs start cooking!
Yesterday's Celestone (Steroid-Lung Shot) hurt like a B*tch. I'm not sure if its normal for the 2nd dose to be painful or if it was an Operator Error. This nurse had me do the same as the other, but I swear she jammed that needle in my ass shoved all the medication in at once. I flinched twice and my butt was burning... I haven't looked at it today, but it feels bruised!
Mentally, I feel like I'm in a better place today. These are the cards we were dealt and so we have to play the hand as it comes. I can't stress or dwell or worry... although I still do, I've been able to keep it at bay. I just have to let God take control and follow his lead.
My mom & Step-Dad left for Myrtle Beach today. They've had this trip planned to see my Brother, SIL and my 2 nephews and niece for quite some time. She wanted to cancel the trip after Weds news, but I assured her we would be ok. I can't ask someone to NOT go on Vacation... she deserves the trip and to visit my Brother and his family. She gave me a Patron necklace to wear and her Rosary. I could tell it was so hard for her to leave, but I will be ok. These babies aren't coming THAT early. Hubs is working from home still and starting tonight, we'll have people visiting us to help him out and to keep me occupied. I actually started a "schedule" of helpers for next week. Swiss will be back from College Orientation (she's a leader) and Hubs will be working from home, so between them and our friends/family... it should be a fun week! Not to mention, a couple people are bringing DINNER! I should probably tell them that ice cream should be a part of it... :)
I need to find some new hobbies... everything I like to do requires being active and generally outside. Especially during this weather. I can't imagine just doing what I've been doing the past two days for the next 8+ weeks or so... Of course I will do what's necessary, but I already know I might go crazy (crazier). If you start getting lots of texts from me, FB updates, phone calls, etc... just bare with me!
I think we are finally closer to our Names!!!! I'll post once it's official. I think I was having a hard time dealing with all of this and I didn't want to really name the babies. I was afraid if we named them, then something would happen. They are our children... whether they are born healthy or not. We conceived them out of love & hope and they deserve to be treated as such! Every night before bed, I tell Beebs to say goodnight to her Sisters. She comes right over to me, lifts up my shirt and kisses my belly twice. She tells them night night and after a few more kisses and lifting my shirt she goes up to bed. At 19m, I feel like she kinda knows something is going on... I never thought at this age she could, but she takes it easy on me. She doesn't freak out if I can't pick her up and she has been really gentle around me lately. I swear she knows!
I may start posting everyday... or maybe every couple days... who knows. I love this blog. It's my outlet for sure. I know when friends/family text me, I play it off and don't get into many details, but that's just because I want to think positive. I put it all out on here. I want to have it out, but not continue to rehash my situation.
The Heparin shots are going well! The first dose I had to give myself was tough... I was shaking SO BAD, but since Weds night I'm a pro. So far no bruising, but you can see little "blood dots" where the needle insertion was. I didn't sleep well last night and woke up at 7:30am today. Blah. I know this will all take some getting used to and I need to establish some sort of routine to keep myself in check.... and someone needs to come paint my nails and I need Hubs to go get me some "Jergens Natural Glow" lotion so I don't lose my slight tan and feel like a Hermit!
Hope you're all enjoying your first day of Summer!!!!!!!
xoxo Until next time!
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
The Damn Astrologer was WRONG...
Today was not a good day...
The moment I just typed that sentence I wanted to erase it bc it's not a positive statement and I hate talking negatively, but in all reality its the truth.
I read my horoscope yesterday for the month of June. I hardly do that, but I was reading about Kim & Kanye's baby and some Astrologer had her 2cents and I went to her website. For the Month of June it was a pretty good report... the thing that stuck in my head was verbatim:: "June 19th in particular will be a great health day. Whether you are having a procedure or appointment, you will receive great news". WHORE!!!
I'm 24w today and was so excited to hit our First Major Milestone- getting the Tweebs their first Steroid Shot to help their lungs develop in case they come early. It was another early 7:30am appt. Ultrasound, Doc Appt, Steroid Shot was supposed to happen in that hour. For the most part it did, but add in a Glucose test, stress, tears and 5 hours and I guess you can say I got everything in I needed too.
I had the same U/S Tech this week as last, actually this is now the 3rd time I've had her. It was actually relieving to see her. She is very thorough and explanatory of what she's looking at. Of course she never tells if its "ok" but at least I know what she's looking at. It was a full U/S with Fetal Echo, measurements and cervical check. I told Hubs the other day that I felt like one of the babies was really low. My pubic bone area seemed a little "swollen" and I could feel movement down there. Sure enough, BA was all the way down there. We couldn't even get a face shot bc she was facing towards my back and down so low. She looked great despite her positioning, heartbeat, measurements, fluid, etc... Her Heartbeat was strong, she measured 5 days ahead (24w 5d) of where we are gestational wise. BB was moving a lot, she was transverse again, kinda laying diagonally with her head by BA's head. She also looked great and was measuring 4 days ahead (24w 4d). Still no sign of TTTS thank goodness... most likely that will not be a factor since it has not happened already... that's definitely something I need add to my Blessing later tonight.
Then it was time for the Cervical Check... this has become quite the routine. This Tech prefers I guide it in. It always makes me feel weird doing that lol. She turned the screen away from me, but I could still see. What I saw disturbed me without knowing exact measurements. BA's head was all the way down on the Funnel and the Funnel looked pretty large. She measured my length and all I could see was that it was 1.something cms. She told me it was under 2cm and she was going to call Dr. G to rescan me. She left the room a little before 9am... he came in at 9:40am. Now I usually don't mind a wait, but I was in the basement of the Hospital, I had ZERO reception and 50% battery life... that is like the worst case scenario EVER. I texted me Hubs and he tried calling. I could only get Cell coverage when I laid the phone on the bed so he had to be on Speaker. I immediately started crying when I told him bc I knew it wasn't good news... as always he was so positive and optimistic. I could tell he felt guilty about not coming, but Mom and Swiss had Dentist Appts and he's been working so much I thought him & Ava could use the one on one. Of course I immediately wished he would have been there, but I told him not too. I texted Jesley bc she requested an update and also my cousin Ale (she's a Labor & Delivery, Nurse Practioner (L&D NP)) and I keep her in the loop on everything bc she knows this stuff! They all gave encouraging words and even without the doctors talk I still felt upset. I had no idea what he would even say.
After the LONG 40mins he finally came in... he just looked at the Babies Hearts again. There are certain side effects from the Indomethican, like drying up the Amniotic Fluid and causing issues with the hearts, but they were both great so I can keep up the medicine for another few weeks or unless something changes. He didn't redo my Cervical Length, just looked at her scans again and concurred with the Tech. He told me they didn't want to see me under 2cm and I was now measuring 1.9cm. He said I have a "Dynamic Cervix" which means it can go up and down even as he scans me... But the fact that it hasn't gone to 3cm or above is still concerning and now it has dropped below 2cm. You would think I have a Dynamic Cervix to match my personality, but in this case its not so much a good thing.
The room was dark in order to see the Ultrasounds Scans better and he sat on the tiny bed with me, his hand on mine... I IMMEDIATELY felt the tears well up in my eyes. He said that we're not in a horrible place and we may never get there, but we aren't in a very good place either. The best part is that the babies look amazing, big and healthy... The bad part is that Pre-Term Labor needs to be a part of my thought process here on out. I need to keep positive because it helps, but need to be prepared. He said he's glad we're at 24w to start the shots and we can only take it one week at a time, no more looking ahead. That was enough to send me over the edge... I could tell he was generally concerned and that he hated telling me this. The Tech tried to comfort me too, I just needed a good cry and so they let me have one. When I collected myself enough to be able to look at him he continued... I needed to have my Diabetes Glucose test done today and also be put on blood thinners.... All I heard was the Charley Brown teacher WAAA WAAA WAH WAH WAHHHH. I asked him to tell me it all again and so he did... As soon as they left I just laid there and cried... he didn't say the babies were going to be born today, but it felt like he said that.
After I got dressed the Tech came back in and handed me the Script. I had to go from the basement to the 1st floor all full red face and crying eyes and through the busiest part of the large hospital that sits in a smaller town. I was convinced I would see someone and its the last thing I wanted... to see someone I knew. The Lab Tech upstairswas confused why I was getting this Glucose done all the time so they had to call my doc and confirm. I guess they don't usually just write a script on a mins notice. So she gave me the "orange pop" and it tasted pretty good at first.. I hardly ever drink pop anymore so it was a great treat, until I got to the bottom. It just tasted like strong orange pop that made me burp, hard to swallow and almost a bitter sugary feel. She looked at the Clock and told me to be back at 11:10am, an hour later.
I went up to my Doc appt to get the "official news". I had to pee in the little Dixie cup and this time I peed all over my hand before it went in the cup. Just my luck!! I got enough for a sample and cleaned myself up. How am I going to pee in this little tiny cup when I can't even see my Hotbox let alone place this in the right place for a collection?! My blood pressure was surprisingly "perfect". So I sat in the recliner waiting on Dr. G & Carol to come back in... about 20mins later they did. We went over everything again. It seemed more "serious" than sad this time around. Which didn't stop me from crying... but the bright lights in the room made me concentrate on his words a little more. I was going to stay on the Indomethican, be put on Strict Bed Rest- his words were to get up to pee and clean myself up and I can move to a couch or sit outside ONLY AFTER I have already been resting awhile. I asked him what our Short Term Goal was... we've always had "get to 24w for shots, and then at least 27w". Today he just said... "let's just take it one week at a time. I don't want to give you time frames because you could be in the hospital next week. Of course there is a chance they will stay put, but we need to take it week at a time and not weeks".
Cry Cry Cry Cry Cry Cry
I need to start Heparin (blood thinner)- I have to Inject myself twice a day in my stomach for at least a month. He told me this wasn't a strong enough dose to cause excessive bleeding in case I do go into Labor, but it is strong enough to help against blood clots since I won't be moving much. At 11:05am my alarm went off on my phone and I had to go back down to the 1st floor from the 3rd to get my blood drawn. I of course was still all cry face and distraught and I got in the elevator with an oblivious weirdo. She saw I was pregnant and I smiled at her.... She told me congrats, boy or girl? Told her twin girls! She asked when I was due and I told her Oct 9th and then she said... "honey you are way to big, you might have those babies next week". I started to laugh with her... her laugh was hearty & genuine, mine was like a pervert creep laugh that just got caught looking at someone through a peep hole and that made me laugh so hard I had to bend over because I started laughing harder and crying at the same time. If I would have peed my pants it would have been an even more Awesome day. She stopped at laughing and asked me if I was ok... I said breathlessly "Never been better"!!! Just as the doors open and I ran out into the lobby. The drew my blood and then back upstairs I went...
Carol showed me how to "inject" myself with the needle, what to do and what to look for. Then we walked over to L&D so I could get my Steroid Shot. I got right in and sat in a cute little room with two rocker/recliners. I got some Magazines when I saw my Bestie Jenmay's sister walk by! She's a L&D RN and she could tell I had been crying. I gave her an update and she is just so sweet. We talked awhile and then she had to go... she's 15w pregnant with her first! The RN came in with my shot and told me its painful, I also heard it was. She told me to drop my pants half way down. I look around the room... no bed... no sheet? I'm not modest by any means by I was surprised we were doing it here... now... She told me to come over to the recliner and bend over. With my pants around my butt I had to shuffle my feet over. She chose the right cheek so I put that knee on the recliner and all my weight on my left side. It didn't hurt... it stung like heck, but not painful at all. It was quick and I was done. I go back tomorrow around 12 for my 2nd dose. I left there at 12:30... 5 hours after I got there...
I'm at home resting... I haven't cried much since I left. I know this is what's needed, but again I feel guilty. I feel bad for Ava. I know she won't remember this, but I can't help but be sad for her, for me, our family. I'm a faithful believer but I'm also human and worry. The last thing I ever want to think of is if I did something wrong for this to happen... so if you see me, please do not say anything like... "well maybe you shouldn't have..." or "maybe you should have done...." It's in the past... the docs knew what I was doing and I never kept them in the dark about any of my plans like visiting people or going to a wedding reception in a wheelchair. The agreed I can do things as long as I sit and take it easy... so please remember... I have enough weighing on my heart and don't want to add anything that makes me think I caused this somehow.
Hubs went to the Storage unit to get all the baby stuff that can fit in his SUV... its all becoming real. But... God listens to prayers and if he needs these babies here early, so be it... they could quite possibly be the best 30th Birthday Present Ever!
The moment I just typed that sentence I wanted to erase it bc it's not a positive statement and I hate talking negatively, but in all reality its the truth.
I read my horoscope yesterday for the month of June. I hardly do that, but I was reading about Kim & Kanye's baby and some Astrologer had her 2cents and I went to her website. For the Month of June it was a pretty good report... the thing that stuck in my head was verbatim:: "June 19th in particular will be a great health day. Whether you are having a procedure or appointment, you will receive great news". WHORE!!!
I'm 24w today and was so excited to hit our First Major Milestone- getting the Tweebs their first Steroid Shot to help their lungs develop in case they come early. It was another early 7:30am appt. Ultrasound, Doc Appt, Steroid Shot was supposed to happen in that hour. For the most part it did, but add in a Glucose test, stress, tears and 5 hours and I guess you can say I got everything in I needed too.
I had the same U/S Tech this week as last, actually this is now the 3rd time I've had her. It was actually relieving to see her. She is very thorough and explanatory of what she's looking at. Of course she never tells if its "ok" but at least I know what she's looking at. It was a full U/S with Fetal Echo, measurements and cervical check. I told Hubs the other day that I felt like one of the babies was really low. My pubic bone area seemed a little "swollen" and I could feel movement down there. Sure enough, BA was all the way down there. We couldn't even get a face shot bc she was facing towards my back and down so low. She looked great despite her positioning, heartbeat, measurements, fluid, etc... Her Heartbeat was strong, she measured 5 days ahead (24w 5d) of where we are gestational wise. BB was moving a lot, she was transverse again, kinda laying diagonally with her head by BA's head. She also looked great and was measuring 4 days ahead (24w 4d). Still no sign of TTTS thank goodness... most likely that will not be a factor since it has not happened already... that's definitely something I need add to my Blessing later tonight.
Then it was time for the Cervical Check... this has become quite the routine. This Tech prefers I guide it in. It always makes me feel weird doing that lol. She turned the screen away from me, but I could still see. What I saw disturbed me without knowing exact measurements. BA's head was all the way down on the Funnel and the Funnel looked pretty large. She measured my length and all I could see was that it was 1.something cms. She told me it was under 2cm and she was going to call Dr. G to rescan me. She left the room a little before 9am... he came in at 9:40am. Now I usually don't mind a wait, but I was in the basement of the Hospital, I had ZERO reception and 50% battery life... that is like the worst case scenario EVER. I texted me Hubs and he tried calling. I could only get Cell coverage when I laid the phone on the bed so he had to be on Speaker. I immediately started crying when I told him bc I knew it wasn't good news... as always he was so positive and optimistic. I could tell he felt guilty about not coming, but Mom and Swiss had Dentist Appts and he's been working so much I thought him & Ava could use the one on one. Of course I immediately wished he would have been there, but I told him not too. I texted Jesley bc she requested an update and also my cousin Ale (she's a Labor & Delivery, Nurse Practioner (L&D NP)) and I keep her in the loop on everything bc she knows this stuff! They all gave encouraging words and even without the doctors talk I still felt upset. I had no idea what he would even say.
After the LONG 40mins he finally came in... he just looked at the Babies Hearts again. There are certain side effects from the Indomethican, like drying up the Amniotic Fluid and causing issues with the hearts, but they were both great so I can keep up the medicine for another few weeks or unless something changes. He didn't redo my Cervical Length, just looked at her scans again and concurred with the Tech. He told me they didn't want to see me under 2cm and I was now measuring 1.9cm. He said I have a "Dynamic Cervix" which means it can go up and down even as he scans me... But the fact that it hasn't gone to 3cm or above is still concerning and now it has dropped below 2cm. You would think I have a Dynamic Cervix to match my personality, but in this case its not so much a good thing.
The room was dark in order to see the Ultrasounds Scans better and he sat on the tiny bed with me, his hand on mine... I IMMEDIATELY felt the tears well up in my eyes. He said that we're not in a horrible place and we may never get there, but we aren't in a very good place either. The best part is that the babies look amazing, big and healthy... The bad part is that Pre-Term Labor needs to be a part of my thought process here on out. I need to keep positive because it helps, but need to be prepared. He said he's glad we're at 24w to start the shots and we can only take it one week at a time, no more looking ahead. That was enough to send me over the edge... I could tell he was generally concerned and that he hated telling me this. The Tech tried to comfort me too, I just needed a good cry and so they let me have one. When I collected myself enough to be able to look at him he continued... I needed to have my Diabetes Glucose test done today and also be put on blood thinners.... All I heard was the Charley Brown teacher WAAA WAAA WAH WAH WAHHHH. I asked him to tell me it all again and so he did... As soon as they left I just laid there and cried... he didn't say the babies were going to be born today, but it felt like he said that.
After I got dressed the Tech came back in and handed me the Script. I had to go from the basement to the 1st floor all full red face and crying eyes and through the busiest part of the large hospital that sits in a smaller town. I was convinced I would see someone and its the last thing I wanted... to see someone I knew. The Lab Tech upstairswas confused why I was getting this Glucose done all the time so they had to call my doc and confirm. I guess they don't usually just write a script on a mins notice. So she gave me the "orange pop" and it tasted pretty good at first.. I hardly ever drink pop anymore so it was a great treat, until I got to the bottom. It just tasted like strong orange pop that made me burp, hard to swallow and almost a bitter sugary feel. She looked at the Clock and told me to be back at 11:10am, an hour later.
I went up to my Doc appt to get the "official news". I had to pee in the little Dixie cup and this time I peed all over my hand before it went in the cup. Just my luck!! I got enough for a sample and cleaned myself up. How am I going to pee in this little tiny cup when I can't even see my Hotbox let alone place this in the right place for a collection?! My blood pressure was surprisingly "perfect". So I sat in the recliner waiting on Dr. G & Carol to come back in... about 20mins later they did. We went over everything again. It seemed more "serious" than sad this time around. Which didn't stop me from crying... but the bright lights in the room made me concentrate on his words a little more. I was going to stay on the Indomethican, be put on Strict Bed Rest- his words were to get up to pee and clean myself up and I can move to a couch or sit outside ONLY AFTER I have already been resting awhile. I asked him what our Short Term Goal was... we've always had "get to 24w for shots, and then at least 27w". Today he just said... "let's just take it one week at a time. I don't want to give you time frames because you could be in the hospital next week. Of course there is a chance they will stay put, but we need to take it week at a time and not weeks".
Cry Cry Cry Cry Cry Cry
I need to start Heparin (blood thinner)- I have to Inject myself twice a day in my stomach for at least a month. He told me this wasn't a strong enough dose to cause excessive bleeding in case I do go into Labor, but it is strong enough to help against blood clots since I won't be moving much. At 11:05am my alarm went off on my phone and I had to go back down to the 1st floor from the 3rd to get my blood drawn. I of course was still all cry face and distraught and I got in the elevator with an oblivious weirdo. She saw I was pregnant and I smiled at her.... She told me congrats, boy or girl? Told her twin girls! She asked when I was due and I told her Oct 9th and then she said... "honey you are way to big, you might have those babies next week". I started to laugh with her... her laugh was hearty & genuine, mine was like a pervert creep laugh that just got caught looking at someone through a peep hole and that made me laugh so hard I had to bend over because I started laughing harder and crying at the same time. If I would have peed my pants it would have been an even more Awesome day. She stopped at laughing and asked me if I was ok... I said breathlessly "Never been better"!!! Just as the doors open and I ran out into the lobby. The drew my blood and then back upstairs I went...
Carol showed me how to "inject" myself with the needle, what to do and what to look for. Then we walked over to L&D so I could get my Steroid Shot. I got right in and sat in a cute little room with two rocker/recliners. I got some Magazines when I saw my Bestie Jenmay's sister walk by! She's a L&D RN and she could tell I had been crying. I gave her an update and she is just so sweet. We talked awhile and then she had to go... she's 15w pregnant with her first! The RN came in with my shot and told me its painful, I also heard it was. She told me to drop my pants half way down. I look around the room... no bed... no sheet? I'm not modest by any means by I was surprised we were doing it here... now... She told me to come over to the recliner and bend over. With my pants around my butt I had to shuffle my feet over. She chose the right cheek so I put that knee on the recliner and all my weight on my left side. It didn't hurt... it stung like heck, but not painful at all. It was quick and I was done. I go back tomorrow around 12 for my 2nd dose. I left there at 12:30... 5 hours after I got there...
I'm at home resting... I haven't cried much since I left. I know this is what's needed, but again I feel guilty. I feel bad for Ava. I know she won't remember this, but I can't help but be sad for her, for me, our family. I'm a faithful believer but I'm also human and worry. The last thing I ever want to think of is if I did something wrong for this to happen... so if you see me, please do not say anything like... "well maybe you shouldn't have..." or "maybe you should have done...." It's in the past... the docs knew what I was doing and I never kept them in the dark about any of my plans like visiting people or going to a wedding reception in a wheelchair. The agreed I can do things as long as I sit and take it easy... so please remember... I have enough weighing on my heart and don't want to add anything that makes me think I caused this somehow.
Hubs went to the Storage unit to get all the baby stuff that can fit in his SUV... its all becoming real. But... God listens to prayers and if he needs these babies here early, so be it... they could quite possibly be the best 30th Birthday Present Ever!
Friday, June 14, 2013
Feeling Blessed
Oops- this was done 6/14, somehow updated 6/19
A great day of the week... even though I'm a Stay at Home Mom (SAHM- I promise these acronyms are widely used in the mommy world on my birth sites!) I still look forward to the weekend. Hubs has been working like crazy and I miss him so much. We both used to have positions that were flexible during the day. So sometimes we could both be done working at 3pm, or not start until 10am. This new position he took at the beginning of the year is more of a "on demand" type job so depending on what his customers needs, dictates how long his days are. This position is also new for us because its more of a commission based job, so the harder he works, the more we'll see! He can work from home some days through out the week if he wants, but I try to encourage more office time... I think it would be too distracting for him to be at home, trying to work with Ava wanting to play and be taken care of. I never realized how lucky we were before, with all the time we got to spend with each other. I can't imagine how couples who work 12hours shifts each at different hours make time for each other. It's the most important part of every relationship... TIME!
This has been a great week... My besties reception is tomorrow evening. Our friend Em is in from Chicago and she wheeled me around the mall in a wheelchair on Monday trying to find ourselves dresses. I only ran into one person I knew... I felt awkward using it so I made sure to stretch out and rub my bump, but then we saw other pregnant women and I couldn't help but wonder that they probably thought to themselves... "look at that pregnant wuss in a wheelchair- pathetic!". Surprisingly we both came out successful! She convinced me to step out of my comfort zone on a beautiful Jessica Simpson Maternity dress. It has silver straps and is coral... the reason its "not me" is bc its LONG & FlOWY. I'm more of the short, tight, dang look at those long legs here I am dresser... When I put this dress on, I felt like a fairy godmother and I mean that in the sexiest way possible. It does make my stomach look as those I have one of Cinderella's Horse Carriage Pumpkins smuggled underneath, but at least I can probably wear regular underwear so I don't have to worry them getting swallowed up in my hotbox and hotbut again. Hubs picked up my MIL's (mother in law) wheelchair last night for the reception, so I'm not the sorrow pregnant girl who can't stand and dance sitting at a table by herself. I fully plan on getting my big belly out on the floor, four wheels and all!
Our appt was Weds, it was an early one at 7:30am. Both babies looked great again. BA as usual was head down, facing back and BB was head down again, face up. In one shot it looked like they were snuggling with their heads :) It was another "limited ultrasound" so they did the heartbeats, checked amniotic fluid, and looked at the hearts, kidneys and stomachs briefly, but all looked great! Still no sign of TTTS, thank goodness. Hard to believe I'm 23w already!! After 6+ appointments we finally got an u/s tech we had before, dang they sure are staffed! She also did my Cervical Length and it measured at 2.8cm. This is a 4mm increase, which is great... but has me so confused. I know the Cervix is a muscle, but the fact that it can shorten, then increase, shorten again, etc etc makes no sense. My doctor said that it just depends on the pressure the babies put on it... if they are putting a lot of pressure on it then it thins out, if they aren't then it kinda expands back to place. I'm still measuring under 3cm and the doctors said that even though it went up a few mm they aren't treating it any different. There is still a lot to be concerned about (preterm labor) and there can always be a variance when measuring. The best news is that it hasn't hit under 2cm yet, which is what we are grateful for! Still on modified bed rest & Indomethican.
I go back next Weds-24w... our first Big Milestone! I get my first dose of Steroid Shots!!!! I'm actually really excited to get poked in my butt. This is what the babies need to help their lungs mature in the event they are born early. I will have another full ultrasound with lots of measurements so I'm excited to see how big they are measuring! I go again Thurs 24w 1d to get the 2nd Steroid Booty Shot. I'm really looking forward to it. As much as these babies need to stay put, I will feel a little more at ease when we get the shots and get closer to 27w. :)
Today I met a long time friend at a local kid friendly coffee shop called "Four Kids Coffee". Its a really clean, gluten/allergy free coffee place that you can take your kids and have them play while you sit and relax or chat with a friend. I love that Beebs doesn't have "stranger anxiety". After we washed her hands and put her socks on she ran right into the playroom after shutting the gate in my face. I watched her a minute, she looked back at me as if to say "Mom... you're embarrassing me, leave!!" yes she is only 19m old but I swear that's what her look said to me. I sat down with my friend Ashley and her sister and we chatted for a good hour until it was time to go. You do have to pay $6.50 per kid/per hour, but I find that pretty cheap compared to most babysitter rates. You can just leave them there 1.5hours max, but that's plenty to meet another mom and have some adult time. Plus I was able to sit and relax with a delicious cup of coffee and give my Mom & Sister a break today too! After our play date we picked up Daddy from work and grabbed some lunch. Poor guy hasn't had time to really go sit and eat at lunch all week! Afterwards Ava & I were both exhausted and took naps! Today has been a good day and instead of being stressed I'm deciding to just be grateful for everything.
One more note... I got my first Invoice from the Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) group & hospital from starting with them April 30th... it said $803.00 for services in April through half of May... I almost peed my pants. I called them for clarification on dates, services, insurance info, etc and upon talking to the associate, we concluded that I actually owe $1.50, which gets waived off as a small balance!!!! We qualified for the "Yes you can" program bc they don't accept my Insurance there, but since this MFM is the only one in the area my insurance has to waive the out of network prices and then the program WAIVED my deductible... talk about amazing.
Feeling Blessed!
xoxo
p.s. for those of you concerned about my butt nuggets... I'm currently averaging every 2-3 days minus pooping standing up... WOOHOO!!!!
Saturday, June 8, 2013
What can you fit a Watermelon into?
I looked through my phone pics I sent to my mom when I was pregnant with Beebs. I'm only 22w 3d and I look the same now as I did when I was almost 30ish weeks with Ava. I know I know, I've got TWO in there, but it's still crazy. My Fundal Height (The top of the uterus... they measure at appts from your pubic bone to the top of the Uterus with a tape measure to make sure you're on track) was measuring 26w and I was only 22w at the time. That is so crazy! These next few weeks the baby will be growing even more fast so I can only imagine what I'll look like on my 30th Birthday next month!
We still have 90% of our life in Storage... 7% is downstairs in my mom's cool basement and the other 3% are clothes/misc items that are in our room. I just want to feel settled! My mom's house is definitely roomy, but its just not the same as your own space. Although, its not like I can wear any of my clothes anyways... they are downstairs taunting me and are labeled "pre-pregnancy :( don't even bother opening".
I had to dig out my dresses. My best friend got married in March and her Wedding Reception is next weekend. Don't worry... I'll be using my Mother in Law's wheelchair. awesome. I pulled out 7 dresses, including the one I really wanted to wear. I put on my little too small strapless bra... it looks like I had nude pasties on that barely covered my nips. My boobs are so big they just overflow the bra. It's a good problem to have, but not when you only have one strapless bra. I kept pushing my boobs up with my hands and I finally get why women want a "lift". There is something magical that happens inside you when your boobs aren't resting on your stomach, with a bra on.
The dresses were a mix of pre-pregnancy (all stretchy) and some maternity. 6 out of the 7 still fit. I felt like today was a victory... however the ONE that DIDN'T fit was what I wanted to wear to the Reception. It was a beautiful teal dress with one kinda cross body strap and empire waist... although the empire waist was supposed to be down my body a little more than I could fit. I put the empire part under my boobs and there was probably a good inch of fabric left at the bottom of the dress that kept me from seeing my swallowed undies. I let out a big sigh... none of the other dresses are dressy enough except my black dress. I hate wearing black to a wedding... Trying to dress shop from a motorized scooter that goes 2 miles an hour isn't at the top of my fun things to do list this week.
I need to get a game plan together because next weekend is also Father's Day weekend... Ava needs a play date, I need some sun and hair cut, and we need to shop... some how.
btw... I haven't pooped in 3 days. I'm getting scared :(
We still have 90% of our life in Storage... 7% is downstairs in my mom's cool basement and the other 3% are clothes/misc items that are in our room. I just want to feel settled! My mom's house is definitely roomy, but its just not the same as your own space. Although, its not like I can wear any of my clothes anyways... they are downstairs taunting me and are labeled "pre-pregnancy :( don't even bother opening".
I had to dig out my dresses. My best friend got married in March and her Wedding Reception is next weekend. Don't worry... I'll be using my Mother in Law's wheelchair. awesome. I pulled out 7 dresses, including the one I really wanted to wear. I put on my little too small strapless bra... it looks like I had nude pasties on that barely covered my nips. My boobs are so big they just overflow the bra. It's a good problem to have, but not when you only have one strapless bra. I kept pushing my boobs up with my hands and I finally get why women want a "lift". There is something magical that happens inside you when your boobs aren't resting on your stomach, with a bra on.
The dresses were a mix of pre-pregnancy (all stretchy) and some maternity. 6 out of the 7 still fit. I felt like today was a victory... however the ONE that DIDN'T fit was what I wanted to wear to the Reception. It was a beautiful teal dress with one kinda cross body strap and empire waist... although the empire waist was supposed to be down my body a little more than I could fit. I put the empire part under my boobs and there was probably a good inch of fabric left at the bottom of the dress that kept me from seeing my swallowed undies. I let out a big sigh... none of the other dresses are dressy enough except my black dress. I hate wearing black to a wedding... Trying to dress shop from a motorized scooter that goes 2 miles an hour isn't at the top of my fun things to do list this week.
I need to get a game plan together because next weekend is also Father's Day weekend... Ava needs a play date, I need some sun and hair cut, and we need to shop... some how.
btw... I haven't pooped in 3 days. I'm getting scared :(
Friday, June 7, 2013
It's a waiting game and I have the worst patience
I'm 22w 2d, I feel like 24w can't get here soon enough! Last week's appt was ok. I guess I should say it was good bc there wasn't much of a negative change. My length went from 2.52cm to 2.4cm in a week. That's just a little over 1mm change. It's not great, but its definitely not having the Docs sweat bullets just yet. The funneling is still there, but I'm not sure of the measurement.
This was the first appt I went by myself. My hubs always wants to come bc he gets to the see the babies and then once the complications hit he doesn't want me going alone... Unfortunately he was so wrapped in work so I told him not to worry. Of all days this was the QUICKEST u/s with appt I've EVER had! It was scheduled later than normal at 11:30am, so I figured this would be the longest of them all. I normally go at 7:30a or 8:00a so I can "get in and get out"... yeah right! But its ok, Docs are busy and its not like I have anything better to do so I don't mind. Anyways the appt was at 11:30a and I was out before 1pm! Amazing!
Dr. K came down to do my scan with the u/s Tech. Even though I need trans-vaginal u/s every week I still don't get used to magic wand they use. Some tech's seem confident inserting it, one asked me to do it myself and others have it a little inside the opening before they ask... Is this the right hole?
This u/s tech turned the screen away from me. I couldn't see, but then I thought... its ok. I'll just lay here and think about something else for once. It appears she was going to measure me a little longer than the doc and he stopped her for a teaching lesson and they agreed on my length number. He told me I can get dressed and head upstairs. They give you a travel box of 1ply sand paper tissue to clean up down there. Awesome. 1ply should be banned in all forms. Yeah its cheaper but you have to triple wad it up just to clean yourself and you're lucky if you don't walk away with vaginal abrasions.
The u/s was so quick and my OB appt technically wasn't until 1pm bc of lunch. I went up anyways and told the receptionist I didn't mind waiting the hour and could go down to the cafeteria to eat. She said my nurse was still there and the docs too so it was no problem to see me earlier. Carol came in and we talked about issues, problems, questions, etc before we talked about our weekends. I always like talking to her. I feel like she is someone I've known a long time. She told me about her Summer Vacation coming up and so I started to lay it on thick... about how Hubs, Beebs & I were supposed to go to the Outer Banks (OBX) at the end of Aug-Sept, but its surely out of the question now. She said I was probably right or that I should ask my friends if they mind if we bring twin newborns with us, bc that's a bigger possibility. She left to get the doctor.That was a wake call for me... I'm due Oct 9th, and the vacation is over a month before their due date... I don't think we're ready for the twins to come this summer!
Dr. G walked in and said... "well I talked to Dr. M about your vacation ((I got really excited!!)) and he said that he would gladly go... in your place!!" Ugh... I told him, "I have a better suggestion, if these babies aren't here... how about you, Dr. K or Dr. M decide which one of you just go with us! You won't have to pay for anything, you can bring a guest. There is a hospital a mile from the Beach House we rented!!!" He paused and almost seemed to think about it and then started laughing. He has no idea I'm serious. I am planning to talk to these doctors EVERY week about this vacation. If I have a Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) doc with me, then I should be allowed to go... plus who wouldn't want to vacation with us at the beach for FREE?!?
Back to the serious stuff... They aren't happy its still shortening, but they are relieved it hasn't dropped below 2cm yet. I've been on my Med (Indomethican) for a week now. I'm not sure what its supposed to do except "relax my uterus", whatever that means. So I'm still on weekly appts, modified bed rest, pelvic rest and I have to keep taking the medicine. I told them I still contract every 2-3hrs, even during rest. We're still on for our short term goal to make it to 24w (June 19) so I can get my Steroid Shots to help their lungs. Then I get a 2nd shot after that... viability really kicks in around 26w (July 3). So we gotta keep these Babies in until then at the absolute EARLIEST! I may or may not have to be on Hospital Bed Rest around 25ish weeks... just in case they do come we're at the hospital. If they come now, there isn't going to be much they can do. Prayers also help, but reality is these babies have a few more crucial weeks for their own safety.
I go back this coming Weds (23w) and hoping for a "NO change" appt for once!
On the home front... Hubs and I still haven't found a rental. We're at my moms for the time being. I feel like a burden sometimes bc I can't pull my weight around the house and help, I know she doesn't care. Even though its for good reason, I feel like a lazy bum. As much as we would love to be in our own place, we need the extra help with Ava. Putting her in Daycare right now would help tremendously and she would LOVE it. She really needs to be around other kids more and I feel so guilty about that. Without me working right now, daycare tuition is a scary thought on just one income when we still need our own place to live! Everything does happen for a reason... even though we're spread thin right now, its better to be in Ohio in this situation than Texas. My PTO would have been gone already so I wouldn't have an income anyways and we wouldn't have much help with Ava. I have to see the positive in all this. Getting us to Ohio quickly was God's way of helping us without us knowing.
I was worried Ava would start to be distant towards me since I'm not as active with her... thank god its actually the opposite! I try to make up for it in certain situations like nap & bed time. I lay with her to fall asleep despite her being a very independent sleeper since she was 6months old. Laying and cuddling with her is something I look forward to every day/night and it's our best time to bond right now. My little Beebs is truly the best little girl we could have asked for and I'm so excited for her to show her little sisters the ropes!!!
xoxo
This was the first appt I went by myself. My hubs always wants to come bc he gets to the see the babies and then once the complications hit he doesn't want me going alone... Unfortunately he was so wrapped in work so I told him not to worry. Of all days this was the QUICKEST u/s with appt I've EVER had! It was scheduled later than normal at 11:30am, so I figured this would be the longest of them all. I normally go at 7:30a or 8:00a so I can "get in and get out"... yeah right! But its ok, Docs are busy and its not like I have anything better to do so I don't mind. Anyways the appt was at 11:30a and I was out before 1pm! Amazing!
Dr. K came down to do my scan with the u/s Tech. Even though I need trans-vaginal u/s every week I still don't get used to magic wand they use. Some tech's seem confident inserting it, one asked me to do it myself and others have it a little inside the opening before they ask... Is this the right hole?
This u/s tech turned the screen away from me. I couldn't see, but then I thought... its ok. I'll just lay here and think about something else for once. It appears she was going to measure me a little longer than the doc and he stopped her for a teaching lesson and they agreed on my length number. He told me I can get dressed and head upstairs. They give you a travel box of 1ply sand paper tissue to clean up down there. Awesome. 1ply should be banned in all forms. Yeah its cheaper but you have to triple wad it up just to clean yourself and you're lucky if you don't walk away with vaginal abrasions.
The u/s was so quick and my OB appt technically wasn't until 1pm bc of lunch. I went up anyways and told the receptionist I didn't mind waiting the hour and could go down to the cafeteria to eat. She said my nurse was still there and the docs too so it was no problem to see me earlier. Carol came in and we talked about issues, problems, questions, etc before we talked about our weekends. I always like talking to her. I feel like she is someone I've known a long time. She told me about her Summer Vacation coming up and so I started to lay it on thick... about how Hubs, Beebs & I were supposed to go to the Outer Banks (OBX) at the end of Aug-Sept, but its surely out of the question now. She said I was probably right or that I should ask my friends if they mind if we bring twin newborns with us, bc that's a bigger possibility. She left to get the doctor.That was a wake call for me... I'm due Oct 9th, and the vacation is over a month before their due date... I don't think we're ready for the twins to come this summer!
Dr. G walked in and said... "well I talked to Dr. M about your vacation ((I got really excited!!)) and he said that he would gladly go... in your place!!" Ugh... I told him, "I have a better suggestion, if these babies aren't here... how about you, Dr. K or Dr. M decide which one of you just go with us! You won't have to pay for anything, you can bring a guest. There is a hospital a mile from the Beach House we rented!!!" He paused and almost seemed to think about it and then started laughing. He has no idea I'm serious. I am planning to talk to these doctors EVERY week about this vacation. If I have a Maternal Fetal Medicine (MFM) doc with me, then I should be allowed to go... plus who wouldn't want to vacation with us at the beach for FREE?!?
Back to the serious stuff... They aren't happy its still shortening, but they are relieved it hasn't dropped below 2cm yet. I've been on my Med (Indomethican) for a week now. I'm not sure what its supposed to do except "relax my uterus", whatever that means. So I'm still on weekly appts, modified bed rest, pelvic rest and I have to keep taking the medicine. I told them I still contract every 2-3hrs, even during rest. We're still on for our short term goal to make it to 24w (June 19) so I can get my Steroid Shots to help their lungs. Then I get a 2nd shot after that... viability really kicks in around 26w (July 3). So we gotta keep these Babies in until then at the absolute EARLIEST! I may or may not have to be on Hospital Bed Rest around 25ish weeks... just in case they do come we're at the hospital. If they come now, there isn't going to be much they can do. Prayers also help, but reality is these babies have a few more crucial weeks for their own safety.
I go back this coming Weds (23w) and hoping for a "NO change" appt for once!
On the home front... Hubs and I still haven't found a rental. We're at my moms for the time being. I feel like a burden sometimes bc I can't pull my weight around the house and help, I know she doesn't care. Even though its for good reason, I feel like a lazy bum. As much as we would love to be in our own place, we need the extra help with Ava. Putting her in Daycare right now would help tremendously and she would LOVE it. She really needs to be around other kids more and I feel so guilty about that. Without me working right now, daycare tuition is a scary thought on just one income when we still need our own place to live! Everything does happen for a reason... even though we're spread thin right now, its better to be in Ohio in this situation than Texas. My PTO would have been gone already so I wouldn't have an income anyways and we wouldn't have much help with Ava. I have to see the positive in all this. Getting us to Ohio quickly was God's way of helping us without us knowing.
I was worried Ava would start to be distant towards me since I'm not as active with her... thank god its actually the opposite! I try to make up for it in certain situations like nap & bed time. I lay with her to fall asleep despite her being a very independent sleeper since she was 6months old. Laying and cuddling with her is something I look forward to every day/night and it's our best time to bond right now. My little Beebs is truly the best little girl we could have asked for and I'm so excited for her to show her little sisters the ropes!!!
xoxo
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