Thursday, May 30, 2013

TMI::: DO NOT READ!!!

So... if I post something TMI, its not your typical "OMG someone picked their nose", it is really TMI and will probably make you feel embarrassed just for reading it. On top of that if you don't know me that well then you will really think differently of me. Probably in a not so attractive way, but hey... I'm just keeping it real.

This is your warning... if you continue to scroll down you cannot "unread" anything you see...

Are you sure??

Ok....

One thing about pregnancy no one really talks about are the way your body changes. Not just a big ol Kangaroo Pouch stuffed with a Watermelon, or amazing boobs, or not even the gas... There is something called Pregnancy Constipation. This little gem has taken much time away from me that I cannot get back.

I've had three incredibly difficult situations. The first one around 10w and then two in the last week alone. The 2nd instance we were at a friends house. It just hits you that you have to go to the bathroom and it doesn't seem like it will be an issue until you sit down are realize what's trying to come out might be a tad bigger than the opening it has to utilize. I took me 35mins to work it out. Standing, sitting, leaning to one side... then the other all while NOT STRAINING... I'm afraid if I strain a babies head might pop out! After completely stripping down to just my bra and flushing my face with cold water I felt I needed to walk somewhere... I texted my Hubs that was in the other room that I was going to break down to the basement bathroom and to make sure no one came close to where I was bc I had zero clothes on and a turtle head poking out. The minute I hit the bottom of the steps, it was ready... that feeling alone is like giving birth to a mini cucumber. This was not even the worse to come.

Fast forward 4 days... I'm at my mom's house and it's bed time, even though I feel something a brewing. I try to relieve the pressure, no luck. So I figure I just need to wait it out a little. Pull my yoga pants back up and walk out of the bathroom, only to have the feeling return quickly. I run back to bathroom and sit and the feeling goes away. It just won't come... again I can't strain, there is too much going on inside me to bear down and get it out. Not to mention I'm hemorrhoid free at the moment and I prefer not to add that to my list of body annoyances! My sister comes into the bathroom to prep for bed. We were laughing about me being half naked just standing against the wall, looking defeated. There is no way I can go to bed feeling like this and it has been an HOUR since this ordeal started. I finally realize the only time I feel like I can get this out is when I stand...

Facing the toilet, my legs are straddling the porcelain. I have one hand against the wall and another is full of toilet paper... and so it happens. Yes it does. It was my only option. It took three tries, but I realized every time I sat down, it's like the babies were cutting off the cANAL and it would have never happened. I can't say I ever pooped into my hand or while standing up, but hopefully that is only the first and last time! My OB said I need to take Colace twice a day here on out... you can bet that's one medicine I will NEVER forget to take!

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Make up your mind already!!!

I'm 21 weeks today! I had my follow up to my follow up this morning... it didn't go as well as we planned.

We had a different tech again scanning us. She looked at the babies first, that is always by far my favorite part. I'm starting to enjoy looking at them every week! BA was in the same position as last week- she's on my right side, head down, face up. BB moved head down since last week but she is facing towards my back. BB is always SUPER active! It was hard to get a good heartbeat on her bc she kept moving. I have a feeling she may be a tad like her mama ;)

There was plenty of fluid around both babies, almost the exact same amount which is great. So far the "Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome" (TTTS) isn't a factor. That is usually the biggest risk in Identical Twins. It can usually start to show up around 18w, so its a good sign that they are still the same size and have lots of fluid. Even if they do end up with TTTS it doesn't necessarily mean anything bad, just that one baby could be born a lot bigger and the other a lot smaller. Of course there are other risks with TTTS, but some cases are more severe than others.

After the baby scan it was time for the trans-vag u/s, my least favorite part lol. She measured my Cervical Length and got 3.21cm!!!! That's barely any different than what we got last week! Hubs and I smiled, we were happy. Looks like maybe our original scan showing our "shortening" could have been a mistake!??! She saved all the photos and uploaded them to the system so they could travel on through the information highway up to my Doc's office. When she turned around I snapped a pic of the Cervical Scan on my phone. I felt like I was doing something illegal, even though it is my vagina! She said she was going to update my chart and call Dr. G (one of the 3 in the practice) and he may or may not want to scan me again bc he likes to scan all his patients his own. If not, I could dress and head upstairs.

She came back in a few mins later and I was looking for another towel to wipe the extra u/s gel goop off my belly. It seemed like I was a visitor in her home and she caught me going through her medicine cabinet in the bathroom. I felt weirdly embarrassed, but she didn't seem to mind. She said Dr. G was on his way down to look at my scans. He was in the room before she could finish her sentence...

He pulled up her scans. I also really like this doctor. He is so smart and thorough and even though he has a thick Asian/island/middle eastern type accent he's easy to talk too. They looked at the cervical scan and asked her to show him what areas she measured. She did, then he told her that her line of measurement shouldn't be "straight across", she needed to use the "curve" function on the machine and it would change the scan bc there was a "dip" near my funneling and so he rescanned it and he came up with 2.52cm :( and then he measured into the funneling dip and that was an additional 1cm I'm missing bc its open.

My heart sank... I tried everything I could not to cry. I couldn't even look at Hubs bc I knew the tears would flow. He said he would call up to Dr. K and send him the new pics and they would collaborate on a game plan. We're now thinking the original scan was right and last weeks scan was incorrect as the tech measured with a straight line as well instead of curved. We went up to the 3rd floor to have the OB portion of the appt. RN Carol met us up there and said they wanted to see if I was contracting much. I told her I do contract off and on all day, but they weren't consistent or getting strong so I chalked them up as Braxton Hicks. I know if I get 4 or more I need to call them and I haven't gotten to that point.

They sat me on a semi-comfy recliner and strapped the monitor around my big ol belly and started the scan. After about 20mins I felt one coming on. The nurse happened to be in there with Hubs & I during so I told her and sure enough, 10 seconds later a dip showed up on the paper. About 15-20mins later I thought I felt another, or was it gas? Its really hard to tell these days. I told Hubs I felt one, but it wasn't as intense and then it quit pretty quick. Sure enough, that showed up too as a smaller contraction. We waited in there an hour and the semi-comfy chair became more of a pain. Having this ace bandage contraption around my belly tight with a "staples easy button" looking type thing wrapped under it. During the hour I only had the two, which is good considering I didn't have many after relaxing, that's the goal.

Dr. K came in and said he talked with Dr. G about the scan. The plan is essentially still the same. Modified Bed Rest... no complete bed rest bc that will actually cause more harm. I do need to keep my blood flowing and his words are "don't be an invalid, be a princess". He did say he was writing me a RX for a medicine that's kind of like aspirin and it will help my uterus to relax and hopefully ease off the pressure on my Cervix. That's all we can do now. I'm not sure if I posted before, but a Cerclage isn't a good idea bc I'm way too far along, having twins and I'm funneling. All those combined can actually set me into labor and do more harm. I also can't take Progesterone suppositories bc that has shown 0 chance of helping.

So, this new plan is to take this medicine 4times a day for 10 days. Go back to the doc in a week (weds mornings are our standing dates, I feel like I should take donuts or something). At 24w they will give me the Steroid shots for their lungs and then I think I get a 2nd one a few weeks after that? I can't remember. He did mention something about possible bed rest closer to 26ish weeks in case I do go into Labor, I'm already at the hospital. I REALLY hope that isn't a necessity... then again, if its what's best for these two little girls, then that's what I'll do. I don't really look forward to those "weeks"... I just look forward to the next appointment. Dr. K also said "No one thing will 100% send you into labor". That gives me comfort knowing that regardless, whatever is supposed to happen will... as much as I wish I could have a hand in it, maybe its for the best that its something I have no control over.

As the doc was leaving, he was recapping the info to me and said... You're still on modified bed rest. He must have remembered me asking him the last two weeks if that included "pelvic rest", bc he followed it up with something along the lines... "that also means pelvic rest, but that doesn't mean you two (looks at hubs) can't find other ways to express your needs, just nothing in the vagina". I thought Hubs mouth was going to fall to his shoes, it was pretty hilarious. I tried not to giggle, I felt so embarrassed! The doc's face even looked a little red! At least we ended the appt on a funny note!

Hubs & I talk about girl names. We actually have some at the top of our list finally, but a part of me is hesitant. I'm faithful that everything will turn out and a baby is a baby no matter what... but I feel like if we name them then its even more "real" we have two more babies on the way... and THEN what if something happens? Does that make sense? I want to name them now, but at the same time I don't... it makes me sad

After the 3 hour appointment (this is a trend), we went and got Breakfast. Then he had to go to work and I headed back to my mom's. Picked up some lunch for them and we sat outside while Beebs splashed in her new pool. I briefly thought about the "what ifs", but when you see your 19month old so happy over something so simple as a hard plastic pool her Deda (name for grandma- my mom) got for her... you can't help but to instantly de-stress. She has no worries except when "nack" (snack) time is or where "dog dog" is (my mom's black lab, its her buddy!). Soon after the pool time, I took a much needed 2hour nap. Had dinner with my loves and visited my friend Jesley in her new house. I needed the distraction... tomorrow is another day and I can't look forward to what might or might not happen, I just need to enjoy every minute of everything... I'm really fond of this big huge belly and my little gummy bears inside!

xoxo

Fun times monitoring contractions! 

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

7 days without my blog makes one weak

pro·cras·ti·nate  (pr-krst-nt, pr-)
v. pro·cras·ti·nat·ed, pro·cras·ti·nat·ing, pro·cras·ti·nates
v.intr.
To put off doing something, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness
 
I should have probably mentioned that in my opening blog. I get something in my mind and most of the time I don't follow through. If I don't post it doesn't mean something bad happened or I'm sad, it just means I can be a tad lazy. So for those of you who were worried bc I didn't update last week, I'm sorry!!!
 
It's been a week since my last post. I was really nervous about my follow up appt last Wednesday. I think I'm a pretty optimistic, but also very realistic person. Even though I was thinking positive, I was also preparing for the worse case situation...
 
It was another looooooooong appt day. I really can't complain though bc not many pregnant women get to see their little baby (babies) via ultrasound as often as I do. They did the complete Anatomy Scan on each, so that took a really long time. It's so amazing what a Sonographer has to learn. Our tech was super nice and friendly and told us about everything she was looking for, why, what it look likes etc. It's funny when she's like... "this is the kidneys"... ummm... that looks just like the rest of the baby. Just black and white... how is that even distinguishable?! I looked closer and decided to call them Cheerios.
 
Baby A is on my right side and she was head down, completely vertical. Baby B has now moved a tad over more to my left side (thank goodness, I was a little right sided heavy!) and she was feet down and vertical. They are so cute! It was hard to get a good profile pic of Baby A (BA), bc like a typical sister, Baby B (BB) kept putting her little boney butt by her face! It was actually pretty funny. They look like they will be a handful already!
 
One thing that was alarming... or perhaps my paranoia is just getting the best of me. The tech spent A LOT of time getting pics of BA's heart. I said something and she responded that it was just hard to get a good pic of what she needed. BB's heart pics took all but 10 secs. I have a tendency to over-analyze almost everything. She then did an Internal u/s to get my cervical length... Holy Smokes it got longer?!?!?!? If I'm not mistaken it was 3.2, previously it was 2.2. There was still funneling, but how can the length grow?!?!? I was under the impression it couldn't get better, just stay the same. She measured it a few different times and took a lot of pics for the doc.

We went upstairs for the OB appt. I love their staff. My RN Carol is amazing. I feel like she is a caring friend other than a medical professional. Dr. K was on duty again this week. When you talk to him... you know he is a genius. He has that Albert Einstein look mixed with the awkwardness of all Zach Galifianakis characters. He was the one who saw me last week. He was absolutely stunned at the results, but of course happy as we were! We either think that the measurement was off last time, or relaxing helped take the pressure off, or it was all the prayers :) I think it was a big mix of all 3! I'm still on Modified Bed Rest and have weekly appts (tomorrow being the next one). We still hope the measurement wasn't a fluke and that things are looking great. If its another good appt, I'll be back to every 2 weeks and hopefully off the bed rest. Dr. K never mentioned anything about BA's heart and I was so excited about the Cervical Check that I forgot to ask. I'm sure if something was askew they would have said so.

The hardest part about all this is not being able to be a "mom" to Ava. It's hard to play and interact from a couch and its too hard for me to be on the floor for very long. I feel like a neglecting mom just sitting with my legs propped & curled in a blanket while she's nearby playing by herself. When she wants to play with me it breaks my heart. She wants me to chase her, pick her up and get all crazy like we normally do but I can't! My little Swiss has been an amazing help... in two weeks time she's really picked up on what I need help with. It makes it easier on me that Ava adores her!

Swiss ran out to meet a friend at Chipotle and we got Ava settled for lunch. When did she start hating PB&J? She is currently screaming at me asking for "lonch" even though she has a delicious sandwich right in front of her. She doesn't eat junk
0 so I'm not sure what she would like instead! I should probably just keep that on her tray, is it bad to give them what they want?!?!

We went to Pittsburgh Sun-Mon for the Holiday. Our friend's daughter celebrated her 1st Birthday! It was a great time. I was able to be a lot more help than I originally thought. I just sat down, propped my feet and wrapped presents, put decorations together and took pictures for her. It was the sweetest little birthday, perfect for a little girl! I'm so glad they are close to us, it felt like we went on a Mini Family Roadtrip! I felt great the whole time and got a lot of rest. Hubs has been an amazing help!

I do have Braxton Hicks (fake contractions) a lot through out the days. My OB said if they reach 4 an hour to call them. They haven't been that frequent, but enough to make me stop and take notice. That's another thing I never had with Ava. I didn't have any sort of contractions until I was in active labor!!!! This pregnancy is sooooo different, but I know it will be just as amazing!



 

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Little girls or little guys?! Pink tutus or Blue ties?!

Two days ago we had our Gender Reveal Party! It was a great day. Leading up to the big event, I was feeling a little down about it. Mainly a lot of different reasons. I'm so used to being the "line leader" especially when it comes to parties I'm hosting. A week before the party my high of expecting twins was deflated a bit with the news of their potential early arrival. I wasn't going to cancel the party, but it was hard to get in the spirit. Insert my amazing husband with the help of my caring family and it turned out to be a success. My hubs forced me to had over the reigns, even with white knuckles I obliged. He wanted lists, ideas, what to do's and how to do's and so he got it... I think he for once really got a feel of what its like to be me for a day. Minus the fabulous curly hair and pregnancy boobs.

I must admit... he did everything PERFECTLY! Either what I do isn't all that hard or he's just good at pretending it was a breeze. He woke up at 4am to start the pulled pork. I of course woke up at 5am to sneak down make sure he did it right. My mom decorated the house perfectly for two little babies and made her Famous Pasta Salad. My little Swiss (sister) made the crock pot mac n cheese and roasted red skins (while I read her the instructions). I think I finally realize that it's ok to let go of the control every now then. Other people are capable. I think I'm more worried of someone messing up and feeling bad, I'd rather it be me than my Hubs, or mom or Swiss.

Ava had a great time with all her little buddies and it was so nice to have people travel to visit us... two separate families traveled over 4 hours ROUNDTRIP just to come and help us celebrate for a couple hours. I think we're pretty blessed. We had an optional diaper raffle and got close to 600 diapers... my guess, that'll last us about 3 weeks, but its a great start! The "reveal" was a success although we tricked people at first, it wasn't our intention! We had a big box decorated and when we opened it, two blue balloons floated out and everyone went crazy... BOYS!!! But then, two more balloons were stuck at the bottom and so I helped them along... two PINK balloons, GIRLS!!! We taped their string to the bottom of the box so they didn't float away. The video of our family/friends reaction is priceless! We still can't believe our family of 5 will be made up of 4 girls, my poor Hubs!!!

I sat as much as possible, but its hard when people are inside and outside and moving around a bit. Not being an accommodating hostess was tough. It didn't hit me until that night how exhausted I was. I almost went to bed in my maxi dress and jewelry. I also think its time I get some bigger undies. The pair I had on seemed to disappear somewhere under my belly and my front and back cracks. It took me a minute to find them... for a second I thought I went commando, but that's not my style. Stepping in front of a mirror and A HA, there they are!!!

It's amazing that I'm only 19w 6d (pregnancy talk- we get real serious with weeks and days= 19 weeks and 6 days pregnant) and feel so strong for my babies. I'm a pray-er and do so at least every night on my last check on Ava before I go to bed. I pray for my many blessings, my family, my friends and the health and well being of the Tweebs. I know this is all part of God's plan and maybe this is a sign that I really need to take it easy and so today... I did! My Swiss watched Ava all day, we did grab a bite to eat at lunch and then I had a Prenatal Massage and Facial!

Tomorrow is my my first appointment since the news last week. I feel good overall, but I also felt great last week went I got the scary news. So now I'm just paranoid over every little thing I feel. Heaviness, Braxton Hicks, movements etc... I'm an optimistic person, but I am preparing myself to go to my appt and be told I'm going to be admitted to Hospital Bed Rest. So I might as well get some relaxation in now!!

I started with the Prenatal Massage, it was amazing. It took me a minute to relax because I kept thinking random thinks like... did I tell Brooke (Swiss) to cut up Ava's broccoli if she gives her more? If my water breaks should I wait until the massage is over to say something? Will this LMT care that my toe nails are chipped?! I should have really polished them before I left...

The Facial was another story... all in all it was ok. I'll give the girl a second chance but I'm in no hurry to that service with her again. I did get out of the Massage 10mins late. I'll take the blame... I didn't get to my appt until 5-10mins prior,unknowingly I had a college application to fill out about inch of my body. I changed into the robe and the size 6 women's sandals they left for me... giving my large feet a 2in overage where my toes and heels are. I also had to pee twice before I got into the Massage room and hence it started late. The Esthetician who did my Facial was really aggressive at the "switch". She didn't have her spa voice with her and I rushingly followed her to the room. With my heels scraping the floor as I went. I plopped down and she got to work... I'm not sure if she is an aggressive tech or was trying to make up for lost time, but it was not pretty at first. She was scrubbing my makeup less face so fast and furious that I was afraid my skin was ripping open. She did 3 steps in 90 seconds. At one point the exfoliant ran out of water or moisture or something and I was pretty sure my skin was going to be hanging off my bones when she was done. It's almost like she was playing with putty or kneading bread... my Putty Face or Bread Face!?!? I've never had this type of facial, EVER. Maybe she made up for lost time because she did slow down a little after that. I really wasn't impressed. My Esthetician I had while living in Texas was great and so gentle. This Tech was so rushed at first that I thought I needed to get up and pay and leave and rush home and poop and take my mom's dog for a run or something. Definitely different than the feel of the Massage.

Like I mentioned... tomorrow is the big day. Praying for no change!!!! I really don't want to be on Strict Bed Rest or Hospital Bed Rest. I'm hoping I took it easy enough to avoid those. The appt is early, 7:30am... I prefer to be the first! The ultrasounds are always my favorite part and I can't wait to see our two beautiful little girls again!

Lets all hope tomorrow's update is a positive one!

Mama




Two more girls for Hubs & I!!!!! <3 <3


Saturday, May 18, 2013

"You're killing me smalls" is what I want to say to my Cervix

Before I begin... this is my first ever Blog. In fact, I'm probably doing this completely wrong. I love to use "quotations" and will have spelling and grammatical errors (a lot) and lots of extremely irritating long sentences without the proper punctuation that leave you gasping for air if you read it all in one breath. I did however get an "A" in Alliteration so at least I have that going for me.

I'm starting this Blog because I have been put on "modified bed rest". Which I guess isn't as bad as "normal" or "hospital" bed rest, but still frustrating and annoying all the same. I needed some hobbies that included just sitting around doing nothing, which now that I think about it... there are more than I originally thought.

A little history... I followed the man of my dreams from Ohio to Texas, where we had only been dating 9 months long distance. It was a risk, but a great risk. Not anything a mother wants to see her 22 year old daughter do, but it proved to work out more perfectly than I could imagine. We made our home in Texas... jobs, friends, bought our first home, got engaged, got married there and welcomed our first child, a little girl. Soon after she turned 1, we wanted more and so it happened... Rather quickly! We were in the process of putting our house on the market when I peed on that little life changing stick. It turned POSITIVE before I could even put it down. The feeling you get when you find out you're pregnant is one like no other. Whether planned or not, it is the most terrifying yet exciting 2 mins you will ever be a part of. Unless of course you have a horse in the Kentucky Derby.

The Hubs was so excited, as was our 15month old... or at least I tell myself she was. I asked her if she wanted to be a big sister and she said "Yeah", but at the stage in her life she would probably say "Yeah" to playing with fire ants. We were thinking of moving back to Ohio to be closer to family and friends. We never imagined we would, but we were said that Ava (Beebs) didn't know her family all that well and they didn't know her.

We continued the process of getting our house up for Sale. Its amazing how God works and how everything comes together without even seeing the bigger picture. Our Realtor sent some emails to other realtors March 7th and we accepted an offer March 10th. It never even had an "MLS" number.

March 13th, 2013 was an amazing day... at our OB apt we found out we were expecting IDENTICAL TWINS. If there were ever a time I needed a bottle of wine... My husband had a golf guy date right after. I knew he would either have the best round of his life or he would come home with 3 broken clubs... I don't think I could even wrap my head around the idea... actually, 2+ months later, I still can't! I just think back to how fast our house sold without much effort and realize this was all part of the bigger plan.

Fast forward through a lot of amazing details that would turn this "opening blog" into a Vagina Monologue. Ava & I arrived to Ohio April 19th and my husband got in a few days later. I had my first appointment with a Maternal Fetal Medicine Group, whom I LOVE each of the 3 doctors and would recommend to anyone. The appointment went great! The babies looked great, I was doing great... just an all around great day.

It's crazy what can happen in two weeks... at my next appt, Weds May 15th we got to find out the Gender!!! Which is a secret until our "reveal" party tomorrow... nice try if you thought I would slip before then! When the tech did my internal ultrasound or "vaginal" if you aren't embarrassed. I noticed that my Cervix area looked a little different, almost kind of opened. I'm no expert, but I've Googled enough information to know that a red bump on your skin either means you have an ingrown hair or rare deathly disease no one but 5 people have heard of.

After she was done she printed some pics and handed me the paperwork to take up to my doctor appt. Next to Cervix she wrote "funneling". I'll let you all Google that little gem at your earliest convenience. I of course looked it up and confirmed my suspicion that something wasn't right.

The doctor told me the babies looked great and overall I was doing well except my Cervical Length. A generic description of a Cervix is that its the gate keeper from your babies and your vagina (or a vaginal intruder "wink wink"). Once it thins and "shortens" you get closer to labor... the shorter it is the more likely you are to go in labor. At my appt 2weeks it was 40mm (4cm) and this past Weds it dropped all the way to 22mm (2.2cm). My doc said anything under 20mm and they are concerned for preterm labor. My doc said our "short term goal" is for it to not thin out anymore and stay where I am and try to get to 26-27weeks without going into Labor. I'm currently 19weeks and 3days...

So that brings me to why I'm here... Modified bed rest is pretty much bed rest except I'm allowed to get out of the bed, but I can't do anything. Currently I'm a stay at home mom, but I was job hunting... Can't do that... No working, housework, cooking, grocery shopping... almost sounds amazing... but I also can't hold my 18m old daughter or really play with her unless we're sitting on a couch or chair. I can't do so many things that you take for granted on a daily basis. Also if I want something to drink that is 10 feet away, I'm supposed to ask someone to get it for me. Is that even real life? How do you NOT do stuff? Of course I'm still trying to adjust because I'm used to being very active, but it's for the best. We need these Tweebs to stay put... I don't want to be put on strict bed rest or hospital bed rest, then you can't even wipe your own butt.

The day this all came full circle I was so upset... 3 days later and I still am. 50% of the time I talk about it to someone I'm fine. The other 50% I start crying my eyes out like I just watched the end of Million Dollar Baby. Even when you have Faith, its hard not to worry. I just need to let go and let God. We go back now every week, most likely until the babies are born... October 9th, 2013 is their due date. We might not make it to October, but I KNOW we will get pretty darn close. We can only take it one day at a time or just one appt at a time... I just wish my damn cervix would stop putting a cramp in my style. I had a fun summer planned dammit!